The Cross Over

It's simple things that I can do now that I didn't know I really missed like crossing my legs, or sitting on the floor and reaching my arms around my legs, holding on tight (and I remember the exact moment and time this happened), tying my shoe, or painting my own toe nails. In fact just sitting on the floor in general used to be a challenge, because when you get on the floor you have to get up... eventually. The extra weight didn't just hold me down, it weighed me down it kept me away from doing things I wanted to do. 

I remember going to Virginia my junior year in high school for a band and choir competition. One day we got to go to the amusement park. My friends and I went on all kinds of rides. There was even a roller coaster that went upside down. We stood inline for that ride for a really long time. When we finally got to the front of the line and it was our turn, i got in, and the latch wouldn't come down. I was crushed but shook it off as, "well I didn't want to go anyway." Truth? I did. Even though I am terrified of heights, I wanted to go on that ride with my friends. I held back the tears as I watched them still go on the ride with out me. I stood on the ground feeling so little, but yet so big.


Things that you don't think of become more and more relevant when you can't do them. I remember hearing the old adage, "don't judge a person, until you have walked a mile in their shoes," cause once you walk in them you will get an idea of what its like and you'll also be a mile away. 

It was things like not fitting into rides, not being able to take part in activities that other were doing that I missed out on. But not anymore. I will go to the amusement park and I will ride on that ride- even if I am scared to death- because I can and I'm not going to miss out on things anymore. Losing the weight gave me the freedom to do things I haven't done before like zip-lining white water rafting.

This past summer I traveled for both "business" and "pleasure". In the past when I have traveled its been "suck it in" or "can I have an extension please." Not this time. I sit down and buckle my seat belt with no problem and even have to tighten it. See in the past when I have gone to different places via plane its been an uncomfortable ride. I know that people would see me coming and say... oh god, please don't let her sit down next to me,  Being on the end of that look isn't fun. I would even be praying, 'Please God, let there be an empty seat next to me." I was fully aware that I was not the ideal person to sit next to. and you would pray that you were on the window or isle seat so you could try to lean out of the way. 

Looking back it also effected my job as a teacher. Im talking more than just being able to get on the floor with students, I'm talking about teaching. My first year of teaching I had an overhead and I just let it sit on a desk instead of a taller stand. If it was on a desk I could sit and teach from my chair. At recess duty- I would stand there and just watch. Now- I stand most of my day at school. I'm moving around- I'm getting up and down and even sitting on chairs made for 6 year olds without the fear of them breaking. I play with my kids at recess (while still "watching" them). My kids beg me to do Zumba® and Bokwa® with them during inside recess or while we wait for the buses to be called. They see me working hard at getting healthier and more active. I remember this one day at dismissal. I was getting a hug from one of my fourth graders and she looked up at me and said, "Hey Ms. Skilling. I can fit my arms all the way around you now," and she squeezed me tight.

I can't wait to ride that roller coaster this summer. <3 2015 <3