Oh Rainbow Dear Rainbow…

… your lessons so fine.
Every meeting Lewiston Assembly #14 International Order of the Rainbow for Girls sings that special song.

Tonight we had our opening sessions where we proudly watched one of our girls preside over the East. As I listened to the numerous Masonic dignitaries speak they all spoke about being a family. About how some of their closest and dearest friends were made through this great organization, because of this family. In fact, just prior to the start of the sessions, I got a text from my sister with a picture of my niece. Hanna and I met because of Rainbow. I remember the first time we met. Hanna had just moved from "up north". She was a rainbow girl up there and was going to affiliate with us. I walked up to her and said, "Hi". She was two years younger than me, so we weren't in the same school, and to my surprise she turned up at my church as well. The year went along and we got to know a little bit about each other. By the next school year we were inseparable. Now we saw each other 7 days a week most weeks. Now that she is married and has a daughter I get to be that aunt, my parents proudly are grammy and grandpa, and all this was simply because of this great order.

I attend these Grand Sessions as an advisor now, a chaperone for the girls. Only if they knew that I look forward to it almost as much as they do. It's one of the few times a year that I get to see my Rainbow sisters, girls that were in Rainbow with me and now serve as advisors also. I watch the girls make friends and get joy in my heart knowing that these friendships will be life long and ever lasting.

They awarded the "What Rainbow Means to Me" report winner tonight and I reflect on what Rainbow has made to me. I wrote that speech 3 times and it never got any easier. It's hard to put into words. The Rainbow has 7 colors with special meanings, but I would like to share with you the top 7 things that Rainbow has taught me.

Confidence. It has helped teach me to hold my head high. To be confident in my words and actions. I didn't always appear to be confident, but it was there in me all along.

Poise. Rainbow taught me how to stand and speak in front of large groups of people and not tremble. It taught me how to speak up and stand tall.

Service. It taught me how to give back without expecting anything in return.

Modesty. It taught me how to change in the back seat of a moving car, without terrifying passing motorist.

Resourcefulness. Clear nail polish can stop a run in nylons. Hair spray gets ink stains out of gowns.

Emotion. It taught me how to memorize long passages and really learn them, not recite them. How to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Family. It was the first place where I felt like I belonged and had people there to support me. It showed me how to fit in and belong to a group, without having to change who I am/was.

Thank you Rainbow for all of the life long lessons and memories. I am PROUD to say that I am a MAINE majority RAINBOW Girl.

#MaineMasonicYouth

One of my Rainbow Mums I look forward to seeing every year <3

As if I am Pissed?

I left class tonight.
A - "what's wrong?"
Me - "What's wrong?…"
Here is what's "wrong".
I am away, again, for another weekend. Another weekend of missing out on classes. On getting my butt kicked. A weekend away from my second home. As I am getting ready to pack my suitcase, I laugh at the fact that I am seriously contemplating packing workout clothes and getting up and extra 90 mins early to get a workout in… Can I get up at 5:30, work out, shower, get the girls to breakfast and sessions in time? Sit in sessions all day and then stay awake long enough to make sure they're all in bed? x's 3 nights?
Don't get me wrong, The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls has played a HUGE part in my life, wouldn't be here without it, (literally, mom and dad met because of it), and I LOVE Grand Assembly and seeing all my friends from near and far, but I can get a little cranky when things get in the way of my working out. It's amazing how far I have come in 4 years.
So yes, tonight after teaching my class and taking a class, I was mad. Mad that it was the last time I was going to be in the studio for a week.
So now to pack… can I fit workout clothes in a carryon with all my rainbow gear?

Sorry!

Wow. It has been way too long since my last post - I'm sorry! There have been many day/ nights where I have sat down and thought, I should do a post, and yet something else happened.

Life has been crazy. April 25, 2015 brought my 4 year anniversary of "getting healthy". I beat myself up about this last year. I gained weight back. I fell into bad habits again. I went from teaching 3 classes and attending 5 or more classes a week to 1. And, it showed. It showed in how I looked and how I felt. I “wanted” to get back down to where I was, I “wanted” to lose all the weight I had put back on (and more). But I wasn’t working hard enough. I wasn’t putting myself first anymore. I wasn’t making working out a priority any more. I needed to change that and I have started. Back to small (measureable) goals. Back to teaching 3+ classes a week and attending every class I can. Back to making working out a priority. Back to having my head in the game.

This past week I celebrated my 29th birthday. My friends surprised me and took me to Get Air in Portland. You want to talk about WORKOUT. WOW! I don't know the last time I had so much fun. I felt like a kid again. If being with them wasn't enough, their gifts were meaningful and from the heart.

Then, today, I was in the studio getting ready for Zumba Kids when I hear singing outside there are my kiddos Singing Happy Birthday to me with whoopie pie cakes, candles, balloons and hugs. Then they ROCKED their performance for mums and friends!

I am going to make an effort to write more often again. I find it therapeutic and relaxing. 
Happy Sunday everyone- enjoy your week.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

If you don't like something change it. If you can't change it change the way you look at it.

Happiness is waking up every day and CHOOSING to be HAPPY.

YOU CAN DO IT!

Don't let it pass you by. Hoping to make today the best day I can.

Good Enough

My 'mumsy' called and told me a story from a comedy show she attended at her church. "Megsy," she said, "I was sitting there and I knew that this story was for you." Long story made short. Sometimes in life you think that you know what you want. You keep insisting that that is they way life is supposed to go, and sometimes you have to take a chance and let the road go where it may and know that He has a plan for you. My life isn't where I thought it would be, but I wouldn't change it. 10 years ago, if you had told me I would be sitting her having lost over 100 pounds, I would have told you, you were crazy. I took a chance the first time I stepped into that Zumba® class and every time I stand in front of the class, I take a chance.
Over the last few days, friends have posted status' on social media that I have taken as signs as well:

"Cause you are good enough-You are smart enough -and gosh darn it, people like you!"

Often times we are too worried about what others think. Im not skinny enough, fast enough, good enough… turns out… I am.

The people who love you- the ones who truly want what is best for you- will try to let you know that perhaps you're not acting in your own best interests. You won't want to listen. But tuck this away for future reference. The voice of love always has your back." - Panache Desai

Sometimes its hard to hear what friends and family say. They are seeing us from the outside looking in. 

Do you like you?

Put your make-up on

Get your nails done

Curl your hair

Run the extra mile

Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on

Don't be shy, girl

Take it off

This is what you want, to belong, so they like you

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try,

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards

You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you

Do they like you?

Wait a second,

Why, should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try

Take your make-up off

Let your hair down

Take a breath

Look into the mirror, at yourself

Don't you like you?

'Cause I like you

So often we are wrapped in what others see and think of us. It consumes us. We look in the mirror and find every single thing that we don't like about ourselves. We had bags under our eyes, we don't like our hair, we need to lose just a little more weight. We are constantly tearing ourselves apart. We are trying to conform to what we think society expects of us. We aren't thin enough, we aren't pretty enough. Something is always wrong. But wait a second. Hold the phone. Step back. Take a look into the mirror at yourself. Do you like you? Why shouldn't you like you. You are exactly where you are suppose to be. You might not understand the reason. It might be hard to understand. Sometimes it sucks. Work is stressful, family is busy and trying to fit in time for yourself and friends sometimes feels impossible. Stop hating your body. Start loving it. Work hard at improving what you have. Work hard at loving what you already do have. Love yourself first so that others can love you.

Take a step back. look at yourself, don't just like yourself… Love yourself- AHK.

THAT Feeling

You know THAT feeling. THAT feeling you get when you pushed yourself harder than you thought you could, did things that you didn't think you could do, got THAT motivation back and had someone BELIEVE that you could do it.
THAT happened yesterday. 1 year ago today I was in a friends wedding, following a horrid night of food poisoning, but it was also my lowest weight I have been at in my weight loss.
Yesterday I attended a Zumba and a bootcamp class. It probably was the hardest class I have ever done and it motivated me so much. I want THAT feeling back. I want THAT feeling of sweat upon sweat (as Adriane put it), I want to have THAT felling of every muscle in my body hurting. It is an AMAZING feeling.
I definitely fell off the wagon in the last 6 months or so, but being in that room with such amazing people, who push each other and support each other motivated me. After class I felt amazing, sore and tired but amazing. A, I LOVE you for challenging me, pushing me, motivating me, kicking my ass and making a difference. I HATE you for challenging me, kicking my ass, and making me wake up in pain the next day. But it's the LOVE/HATE relationship that keeps me coming back for more. That keeps me wanting more and more for myself. I am beyond happy at where I have ended up. It was a rough road to get there, but I have found where I am happiest to be pushed and to work hard. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself, for seeing in me what I couldn't see. Like I said yesterday, YOU motivate me and make me want to work hard and get back on track. PLEASE continue to be on me and call me out when I need it. <3