aNGˈzīədē/

Anxiety .aNGˈzīədē/
noun
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Anxiety is exhausting. It wears me out. It feels like my brain is constantly firing off thoughts with no rhyme or reason. It is always thinking, and often times, {most of the time} it feels like it can't stop. It can feel like the thoughts are sometimes irrational, things that I can't control and that I know I shouldn't be worrying about- but the thing is, I can't stop worrying. Telling myself to not worry, or not to worry about things I can control, makes it worse, because then I am worried about being worried.

Sometimes it keeps me awake at nights. I wake up feeling exhausted, if I slept. It doesn't matter how tired I am, my brain wont shut off. {I did some research and recently bought a weighted blanket to try to help with this- I will write about this later}. Sometimes, I don't even know what it is that is keeping me awake. I often ask, "Why can't I sleep?" Even sleep aids don't seem to help.

I drive the people around me crazy, even if they say I don't. I worry about things that I have no need to worry about. I need (sometimes constant) reassurance that things are going to be ok. I may seem like I am an outgoing, bubbly person, and yes this is sometimes true, but sometimes, I just need to have some quiet time, home, away from the crowds. Sometimes the thought of being around people, even people I love and care deeply about, can be exhausting. Telling myself to stop thinking these thoughts, or to stop worrying about it, makes it even worse, because then I am worrying about worrying. It never stops.

It has been said that anxiety feels like you are swimming up stream. Your thoughts are the water rushing by you and you are just trying to get passed them. You just want to make it to somewhere you can stand up and not have the water take you away.

I make list. Some would even say I make list about making list. But somehow writing everything down and being able to check it off, helps. I feel a sense of accomplishment by being able to check things off my lists. It is a way that I am able to organize the thoughts in my head. I can see what needs to be done, I can cross it off, I can visually get it done.

A day off? I feel bad when I take days to do nothing. I feel like I wasted an opportunity to do something or get something done. Once I have something in my head that needs to be done, or I want to get done, which makes the anxiety worse. So yes, I like to be busy, yes I do take time to do fun things, and somehow find a way to keep the balance.

Living with anxiety is a balancing act. Finding what works for you can help. It might not always work. There are times when I just can't deal. I break down, but the best thing you can do when you are down, is get back up. 

Change, Growth, Friends

I was home alone last Saturday night feeling kind of down. My guy was at a work thing and I was home alone. I had been lazy all day. I was wishing that I could go out with a friend or have a girls night, just to have company. When I got a message from a friend asking if I wanted to meet for dinner. Next thing I knew I was at Margaritas and then almost 3 hours later I was heading home. It had been a while since we had gotten together, way to long. We have chatted frequently, weekly if not daily, over the last year, but only seen each other, briefly, a handful of times.
What did I realize while at dinner?
We're not the people we were just over a year ago. We have grown and changed a lot. The last year has been a year of growth. I went out on my own and opened/ hosted my own classes. I fell more deeply in love with the man of my dreams. We got engaged and began planning our wedding. I lost both of my grandparents, within 72 hours of each other, and I was thousands of miles away in the middle of the ocean. I left a job that I loved, but wasn't a sure secure income, for a job that pays a little less, but offers me security. I flew to Seattle in a whirlwind of a weekend to witness my cousin get married. I found countless pennies from heaven when I needed them the most. I spent countless nights at my cousins house playing TOK. Weekends at camp and a month with my future in laws this summer.
One thing I know for sure. Everything is happening for a reason. Every experiences has brought me to where I am in this moment, and most of the time, I am happy.

Every kid is ONE caring adult away from being a success story.

It's been almost 6 years since I taught him in 4th grade. He was a rough kid around the edges, but so were many in the class. But I got him. I understood. He came to school with baggage. Most of the time he slept at his best friends house, who was also in my class, "what's one more kid when you already have 6 boys?" she would ask. He played football. It was important to him and so I went to a game or two. Because I cared and if I cared and he knew it, maybe he would care about his school work too. Just maybe I would be one more person who cared about him. He wanted to be professional football player. He talked football all day. We had a conversation one day.

"You know if you want to play ball in middle school and high school you need to keep the grades up or you wont play."
"Yeah Ms. Skilling I know."
It was almost a daily conversation as things would be tossed across my class like a football.

Then one day the best friend came in.
"He's gone Ms. Skilling." he said holding back the tears.
"What do you mean he's gone?"
"His mom dropped him off at the airport with a suitcase and told him he was going to go live with his dad. He didn't even get to say good-bye."

I emailed *mom of 6 boys* right away.
She confirmed what was told to me by her heartbroken child. Later that day I got a Facebook message from *him*
Ms. Skilling I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was going to go. I didn't get to say good-bye. Tell the class I'm sorry. Tell them I miss them.
I didn't respond. I couldn't. I instead emailed the mom.
Please tell him that I hope he does well. That his class misses him and hopes he is ok. That I miss him.
She emailed me back and said she had offered to fly him back home and take custody of him. I commended her for her thoughtfulness and she said she knew I would understand. She saw me at the games, as it was her sons team too. She knew I understood. She sent me back an image and it stuck with me.

Three years later. Another message.
Hey Ms. Skilling its me *name* remember me?
And this time I respond.
Hi, *name* yes, I remember you. Hope you are well.
I'm doing well. Are you still doing Zumba?
Yes, I am! 6 days a week.

That was the end of the conversation.

Today.
Hey Ms. Skilling! It's me *name* remember me?
Hello *name*
How have you been?
I've been doing well, *name*, how about you?
Good. Playing football and keeping my grades up.
Good! You still out of state with your dad?
Yes. But I'm coming back to Maine in May for good and I wanted you to know.

Maybe next fall I'll be sitting at another football game and cheering on the boy, who, despite it all, is still playing football, keeping his grades up and surviving despite it all. Maybe one day I'll be watching him play for the NFL on my living room TV.

Changes

It's a rainy day. But it's not snowing so I will take it. My roommate, Elizabeth, and I want to try our hand at having a garden this summer so right now we are just waiting for the snow to go away! We look forward to growing our own food and canning it for the winter months next year.

As the seasons change, so do things in our lives. I am ending a chapter of my life this week as I leave my role as Mid Maine Regional Coordinator at Youth MOVE Maine and begin a new chapter at Margaret Murphy in April. I am excited and nervous about the change, but feel that it is the right for me at this point in my life. It will have a consistent schedule (M-F 8-4) and they are fine with me leaving a little early to teach my Zumba classes on Monday and Wednesdays at the YMCA. I will be moving my Zumba Kids class at Park Ave from 3:10 to 4:10, so I will still get to keep all my "other" jobs and will no longer "need" to have Saturday's off for work and can be more flexible with the swim lessons schedule on Saturdays. I will miss the kids that I work with and hope to stay in contact with them. I will also miss my awesome coworkers and wish them the best, as well as all of the committees that I have had the honor to serve on over the last two years.

I am heading out on my cruise in less than a month and am ready to get a way for a little bit, although I am leaving people here that I will miss terribly. I am counting down the days until the 4th of July and the trip to Seattle with Tim for Kathryns wedding in August. 

I am also continuing to work on me. Health wise and other. I am so lucky to have my supportive guy by my side. We have a plan and we are sticking to it. Including being careful with our money and saving as much as possible, eating at home more and spending time together on Sundays prepping food for the week. I am excited to stick to this plan and see how well we can do with it.

I can't believe that April will be here by the end of the week. It doesn't seem possible that it is already almost 1/4 of the way through the year.

Lists

Anyone that knows me knows I like lists. I like to be organized, (or at least pretend to be). So yesterday I was looking for monthly check lists to help me get certain things done every week/ month and I happened upon this website:
http://recipes.com/printable/personal-planner/

I printed off all the monthly forms. There is something about checking off a box that gives me some satisfaction. Each month gives you:

• a Monthly focus: What is IT that I want to accomplish this month?
• Top 3 things to do: what are the 3 things that HAVE to get done this month. What do you want your goals to be?
• A place for special dates: who's birthday, anniversary, party is happening this month?
• A place to write down chores. This is where I'm going to put down the things I want to get down every week or month.
• A place for 3 goals for the month and the steps needed to take in order to get there.
• A notes section to write down anything else that is important to the me for the month.

I also am trying to do one "big" shopping trip a month and budgeting for it. By eliminating several trips to the store I am focusing on getting items I need and planned for. I found this template online.
I just simply crossed out weekly to month. Over the course of the next few weeks as I run out of items or think of things that I would need in order to try out new recipes. It breaks the shopping list into sections of the store that you shop in, which I hopes me really focus on what I went to the store to buy.
Not to mention, it is also very colorful, which makes it pretty, and has those bullets to check off while shopping, that make it fun and gives a sense of accomplishment. I plan to use this for my shopping trip at the end of the month for the next month. I still need to make some smaller trips during the month, when/if I need fresh fruits and veggies, but I'm hopping that this will help me be focused in my planning, shopping and budget, which will help me save money in the long run, both at the store and with using less gas, because of less trips.

I'm a big planner and budgeter and so I am always looking at ways to help me be more organized. I don't believe in recreating the wheel, so if I can google something and find it online, and it works for me, then I will use it. If it's not going to work, then I am not going to spend time on it.

Happy Monday! Glad I could share with you today.

Lent

Time seems to be slipping away. I can't believe that tomorrow is March 1 and also the start of the Lenten season!

This year seems to be going by in the blink of an eye, but they do say, Time flies when you are having fun, and most days, I have fun!

I have been meaning to sit down and write a post for weeks now, but I run out of time. For Zumba classes at the United Methodist Church Auburn we have been paying it forward ( #elliptical ). January we collected paper towels and tissues for the Auburn Preschool, located at the church. In February we have been knitting and/crocheting Prayer Shawls for the churches ministry (I'm working on number 19 or 20 right now...) they will be presented at church on Sunday. In March, we will be collecting new/used books for the food pantry that the church supports, and I already have our plans ready to go for April, May and June!

Paying it forward has gotten me thinking about lent. I know that most think about giving something up ( I am giving up cheese- mostly to prove to someone *coughmyboyfriendcough* that I can, as well as carbonated drinks) I want to take a different spin on it too. I was inspired by a post someone shared  that said take 40 bags of "stuff" out of your house (any size) every day... yes I have done some weeding but it got me thinking about "adding" something. Something as simple as reaching out to a person who you haven't talked to in a while, giving someone a compliment, grabbing coffee with someone or offering to lend a helping hand. That is something simple that can be done, and doesn't have to take much time out of your day.

I'm also going to "add" something to my day. I'm going to add a mile. A mile a day for 40 days in any form. Walking, running, jogging, arc machine, bike... or swimming- yes even swimming... I went to the YMCA to see if I could do it and how long it would take- I did do it (it was 88 laps of our little pool) and it took me about 50 mins to complete it. I even printed a 40 Days of Lent calendar that I found through a google search to keep track.

So here we go. I ate the last 2 or 3 cheese sticks in my fridge today and didn't even shed a tear. So... happy Lent, to those who celebrate.

Shape of You

Happy New Year.
Let's break it down.
Happy- 
adjective
1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
2. Fortunate and content.

New Year
1. New Year is the time at which a new calendar year begins and the calendar's year count increments by one.


I have had a great first 9 days of the New Year. I have been happy (almost every day) and have been trying to find the good in each day, even if something puts me in a crabby mood. 

Today was an exceptionally good Monday. 
This morning started with an email from Bikini Diaries.

Let's back this story up a little bit. Last January I went on the ZUMBA Cruise. While on the January cruise they had a chance for anyone who wanted to, to meet with a film crew and share a little about how zumba changed their life. So I did. A few months later the interviewer sent me an email saying that they were working with Bikini.com on a series called Bikini Diaries. At that time they had recently interviewed Sports Illustrated Swim Model  Mia Kang about her experience with bullying, (see her story here) and they wanted to know if I would be willing to work with them and share my Zumba story. I of course said yes. I recorded my story in June and sent it off. About a month later they sent me an email saying that the video was dark, and wanted to know if I would rerecord. So I did. The last email I received was in October saying they were in the process of editing it. I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't herd back from them. When I opened my email this morning, I saw this email:

Hey Megan! 

We're moving forward. Have you seen the video? I can't remember - I think so. 

Our contacts at Zumba actually loved the video so much that they've asked us to further develop the story - I hope you're up for it! To that end - just a short interview by email. Could you take a few minutes and respond when you get a chance? By the end of the week would be fine - we're looking to post this next Wednesday! 

I know you've gotten into some of this in the video - the idea is that people could read either the piece or watch the video, so don't worry about being repetitive. 

NO! I haven't seen the video. I can't wait to see it! I answered the questions that were sent and have been eagerly awaiting a response.

Mean while, Friday Ed Sheeran released two new songs. One of which I really like the beat to and was able to choreograph for my class already. Although the message is a little "naughty" the title of the song, Shape of You, caught my attention. I'm in love with the shape of you...I'm in love with your body.

I was practicing today in front of the mirror before class and I smiled. It's been a long time since I have looked in the mirror and smiled. I have put weight back on and haven't loved my body lately. But today I stood in front of the mirror. I could see a role or two but I was totally ok with it. You see, I've done it before, and for some reason, I am ready to do it again. I hope I can keep this motivation going.

Sneak peek at one of the questions she sent...

Did you struggle in that effort to become an instructor? Were you ever, like - forget this, it's just too hard! If so - how did you get past it? 

Yes! When you are the instructor, it's game on all the time. You have to be there. You have to show up. You have to have the songs ready to go and you have to give it your best 110% of the time.

I have those moments all the time where I am like. Argh, I don't want to do this. I don't want to go to class. I work a full time 40 hour a week job and then a part time job in addition to teaching 7-11 classes a week (depending on the week). When you need to learn new choreography for each class (specialty- Zumba, Zumba toning, Aqua Zumba, Zumba God, Zumba Kids...) 

How do I get past it? I show up to class! I put my sneakers on. Put my hair up in a pony tail, I get my ipod ready. I get to the correct playlist. I talk to the students as they come in the door. We gripe about our workday, share excitement, sadness and everything in between, because really we aren't just instructor and student, we are family. I look at their faces, those friends who might be feeling the same way I am, and they still showed up, and they're not the instructor, they didn't have to. The music starts and its game time and there is no place I would rather be at that moment and the hour goes by so quickly. Zumba is the always the answer for me. 

When I need inspiration I watch Videos, attend a class, take a JAM or a BOOST class.

Then I have those moments where I am like. WOW. I'm the instructor! Wow! These people are here to take a class with me. They choose to be here with me in this moment in time and continue to come back.  

Then there's the pride in the fact that I am stubborn and don't want to give up. I know where I was and I know that if I wasn't the instructor I wouldn't be working out as much as I am. I am not a quitter. So even though I have put some weight back on over the last year, I am determined to get it off again!

2016 in a nut shell...

I can hardly believe that it is almost the end of another year. I had high hopes for this year and some of my expectations were exceeded and some were not. This post is going to be a long one, but I hope that you take time to read it.

January brought that huge snowstorm that nearly stopped Adriane and me from the Zumba cruise. But we were able to reschedule out flight (3 times) and fly around the storm. The cruise was a little rocky but an amazing experience. Adriane and I were front row for the LIVE tapping of a ZIN DVD with Beto. Wow. I can still hardly believe it. We visited Hati and Jamaica. We took many classes and enjoyed laying on the beach. Our beds came out of the ceiling which was really neat, and a little nerve wracking at the same time. We made some new friends and reconnected with some we haven’t seen in a while. And who can complain about 70-90 degree weather in January right? Oh and note to self for next year… lift your frog necklace and apply sun screen while laying in sun, other wise when you lay down and your necklace moves, you will have a frog burn on your chest…

February had me wishing I was back in Florida as we flew home on the first. It was a great vacation and I made a lot of memories. February also brought almost weekly dinner and bruin’s nights with the cousins (I miss those so much right now) and Carter and Carl celebrated birthdays (1 and 28). We had a leap year which gave us an extra day this year. I had many friends that got to celebrate their “real” birthdays for the first time in 4 years.

March always seems like a LONG month. The snow melted and its muddy. I looked at several houses and even made an offer on one, but it wasn’t meant to be, (I mean I was one of sixteen offers so that chances were slim!) I really felt like giving up, but I kept looking, daily, sometimes several times a day. I started taking the Intentional Peer Support 9 week course for work. I am really blessed to be in the line of work I am in. The skills I learned and brushed up on during this course are ones that I use daily at work and in my own life.

April brought the DVD that we filmed on the ship. It also brought my parents anniversary where they celebrated 32 years of marriage. I started to crochet them a queen size afghan for camp. It took me months to complete. I also celebrated 2 years of working for Youth MOVE Maine. I attended a baby shower for Kayla that turned into a surprise wedding and I said good-bye to a good friend who moved to Florida. I also celebrated 5 years of my fitness adventure. I took my first Zumba class on April 25 2011 and I haven’t looked back.

May brought my 30^th Birthday. Adriane conspired with my parents and threw me a surprise 30^th Birthday party. It was a great mixture of family, friends, Girl Power Fitness folks, church and Rainbow. I am a very lucky girl to have so many people in my life. I spent my actually birthday at MOOSESTALK dancing and enjoying the start of my third decade. Just a short week later I went under contract for my house. It was a dream come true! I also got to watch my Best Friend walk across the stage and receive her diploma –graduating with almost a perfect 4.0!

June seemed like a long month. I thought my closing date would never arrive. Then once it arrived it was time to get painting and making my house into my home. My parents and Adriane accompanied me to my closing and I was proud to have hand picked my team. I had a great real-estate agent (thanks Amy!) as well as mortgage broker (Julie you rock and still continue to answer my questions) and Kim did all my legal stuff.

July brought me my FAVORITE holiday. Yes, July 4^th, Independence Day, is my favorite day of the year. It means our annual out door movie night, where we project a movie onto a canvas on the side of the camp and boats from around the lake come and park and enjoy a night under the stars watching a movie on our very own big screen. Then the 4^th and the BOAT parade. We get up and start decorating the boat. Boats from all around the lake take part in this tradition. It is a time spent with family and friends and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I also moved into my house, one month after closing, lots of painting and all new windows and furniture being delivered. Marg also came home for a surprise visit and showed up at my class! I think Bruce could hear my screams from Florida!

August brought the end to Mum Moody being Supreme Worth Advisor and a huge Maine delegation to Rhode Island. We got to meet up with some friends between sessions and see the town. It also brought me my roomie. Elizabeth moved back from Arizona to attend nursing school and moved in to the second floor of my house. It’s nice to have someone to share my home, and bills, with. It was also a rough month for work, as we found out that we were loosing a major grant that funded a lot of our programing. It seemed to be an emotional rollercoaster but we were able to come out on top, eventually. The summer brought many weekends spent at camp, enjoying the hammock, the boat and the lake.

September brought someone into my life. Its funny how when your not looking for someone that they find you. In had just said to a few friends that I was done trying to find someone and tired of being in the “dating world” A month earlier I had received a friend request. I don’t accept people I don’t know, even if we have 16 mutual friends. So I had let if sit there a little while and at the end of August I, for some reason, accepted it. The day we found out that we lost the grant, I posted how thankful I was for Zumba as an outlet, hobby and job and Tim posted that I could always talk to him. I said, in my out loud voice, I don’t know who you are, why would I talk to you. HAHA. Then one night, after I hadn’t slept, I wok up to a message. We talked back and forth all weekend and then met for a game of mini golf. From there… well… it’s been a fun ride.

I also got to attend my cousin Sarah’s wedding this month in New York. I got to see some west coast family and I’m looking forward to the next cousin wedding next summer in Seattle. This was the same weekend that there was an explosion in the city. The location where it happened was right outside our friend’s apartment, where we had been just a day before. We were so thankful to be safe and to finally reach our friends and learn that they were safe as well. And how could I forget that I started teaching swim lessons on Saturdays at the YMCA?! You may think that being at the YMCA every Saturday morning could be a drag, but I get so much joy watching the kids learning how to swim. How much they grow and change over the course of the 6 weeks that we have them. Watching them advance to a new level and build such confidence. I truly love getting to do it week in and week out.

October brought fall weather. Tim met my parents and Mumsy came home for a visit and joined us for dinner. Tim and I took part in a rainy and cold corn hole competition and came in 3^rd place. We were lucky to advance with little effort, as the two teams we were suppose to play in our first two rounds didn’t show up so we got to advance. We also attended Jeff and Belinda’s open house/ Halloween party as a lifeguard and swimmer, (thanks for dressing up babe). I had a cookout/ fire and handed out over 200 pieces of candy. Elizabeth and I hung up a sheet in the front window and projected “spooky” images along with scary music on the front window. People kept coming by to see it. It was a success.

November didn’t slow down. I had an open house where I opened my home to family and friends to see what a wonderful place I have, that I get to call mine. I enjoyed having everyone sign a photo of my home, that now hangs on my wall. We attended out first Holiday party the week before Thanksgiving and had a great time. On Thanksgiving we had lunch with Tim’s family before heading to Jeff and Belinda’s for Thanksgiving with my family. The following weekend brought breakfast at Cole Farms with Dads family.

December. Here we are. There have been concerts, more holiday parties, snowstorms, tree cutting, decorating, Christmas movies and crafts. I celebrate six months of being a home owner and fulfilling my dreams of having my own home, with everything that comes along with it. Mom and Dad both celebrate birthdays and in just a few days I will get to attend the Christmas Carol, on Dad’s birthday, with family and my guy. Next weekend we will celebrate the birth of our Savior and King. I have enjoyed doing the reverse advent calendar and look forward to bringing those items to church Christmas Eve. I look forward to seeing Alicia while she is home and will miss having Hanna, John and Erin this year. Part of my heart always seems to be somewhere else. But I guess that is what happens. People move away, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t miss them and wish they were still hear. The end of the year will be here soon. I’ll celebrate Adriane’s birthday before the close and cherish another year of friendship, (Jeeze we made a lot of memories this year didn’t we girl… I didn’t write about two events that happened at Sapphire, but we both know what those were ;) )

Before we know it, in less than 2 weeks, it will be 2017. I may not have accomplished everything that I had hoped to in 2016 but that doesn’t meant hat it wasn’t a great year. This past year, as in every year, there were ups and downs. I experienced heartache and love. I found a guy who accepts me for who I am, my good days and my less than good days. Who supports my hopes and dreams and tells me I can do anything I set my mind to. I am grateful for that day that by chance I accepted his friend request, that I opened the message and responded to him, that I took a chance. I’m beyond thankful for all of the people in my life. I know that I am continuously busy. That I seem to have every second of every day planned. My goal for 2016 is to try not to be so planned out. To take time for me. To try new things. To be happy. To work hard. To set goals and crush them. To enjoy time and make time for family, friends and my man. To have date nights, friend nights and me nights. To make 2017 the best year it can possibly be.

Hello 30!

I recently turned 30! Wow! Where has time gone!? My friends and family threw me a surprise party and 60+ people were there. I was blown away. Then for my actual birthday I had a weekend away!

That night I started making a list of 30 things to accomplish in my 30s, and life got a little busy so I'm just having time to write about it now.

1. Buy a house. This has been a life long goal of mine and I wanted to have a home by 30, but I'll settle for in my 30 year...
2. Get back under 200 pounds. I did it once I can do it again.
3. Road trips (hopefully every summer) with A =)
4. Make time for friends monthly.
5. reconnect with a few college friends that I haven't seen in years.
6. Enjoy "me" workouts- not just instructing all the time.
7. Run a 5k in under 33 mins.
8. Get out and enjoy nature
9. Give more to the community and get out more
10. Do a "real" push up.
11. 1 tech free day (maybe a month or at least a bimonthly ;) )
12. Complete a 10k (walking and or running)
13. Pray more
14. Go on a cruise. LOVE them.
15. Be more patient.
16. Learn how to follow patterns for knitting/ crocheting.
17. keep my teaching certificate current.
18. learn to gracefully walk in heals.
19. try foods that I have never tried before
20. Take my vacation time before I loose it.
21. Actually take a day off
22. Read more for fun- not just for work.
23. Find the positive in negative situations
24. Keep up to date at the dentist... Louise this one is for you.
25. Get a STAMP in my passport!
26. Keep singing
27. A tattoo? if  get back bellow 200? Maybe... a fake one ;) haha
28. Write more
29. Do a race that scares me.
30. Love life and live it to the fullest.





.... one is on the way to being done and working on several... =)

Zumba Cruise

Now that I am nearly recovered after returning from the first ever #ZUMBACRUISE I am reflecting at what an amazing opportunity it was. Everything happens for a reason. When the original round of sign ups came about, I was not able to go. I was teaching school and I couldn't just take a week off. But things happen and a new job with flexible vacation time made the possibility an option, and 2 months before the ship was to set sail, someone dropped out of the cabin my the bestie was in an they were looking to fill it!

The week prior to setting sail was stressful. A huge storm bringing nearly 3 feet of snow was going to miss Maine but hit Maryland where we were supposed to fly through. After a few hours on the phone and 3 changes in flights were were on our way. The airport was a ghost town as we were the only flight leaving from the terminal. We boarded and were on our way with a 45 min layover in chicago we were worried about making our connecting flight in time... but we did. Landing in Fort Lauderdale and waiting patiently at the baggage claim for our bags to come... except... they weren't and we hear our names paged to the baggage claim office... Great... BUT to our surprise our luggage was there already (how we don't know).

Off to our first stop at A's cousins house. We crashed for the night and woke up the following morning where we decided we would go for a run as neighbors looked at us crazy being in shorts and tank-tops. We might be on vacation but it doesn't mean we weren't gonna get our sweat on. Before long we were off shopping and then to a local bar to watch the Patriots game followed by more shopping.

The next day was cruise day. We slept in a little and then were off to the ship. We checked in quickly and then sat in a "holding" area for a few hours were many selfies with new friends were taken.
We boarded the ship and after dropping off our carryon bags at our rooms we went to explore. We were able to see the top decks of the ship before they got closed off to finish loading the speakers and staging. We did a few classes and had dinner while watching the coast guard us out to sea. We went to the opening show and someone (not me) won a diamond necklace... for being herself... ;) We even went back for the second show that night.

The following days were filled with classes, classes and more classes. On day 3 we visited Haiti where we laid out in the sun and did some shopping. Day 4 we were part of the LIVE taping of ZIN 62 before getting off the ship to visit Jamaica. We did some shopping and got back on the ship. We crashed our ZINS class and headed to listen to a seminar- which unfortunately didn't happen- so we decided to go to the casino. Again the stars must have aligned because the casino was pretty empty and then all of a sudden here comes Beto!

Day 5 brought a chance to share my zumba story on camera. They told me that they would be in contact because they would like to share it. I hope they do. Not because its great, but maybe it would show someone that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. That you can take charge of your life and become a healthier, happier person.

camera man, me, interviewer, photographer

I am beyond thankful for this experience and everything that has happened that lead up to it. It was what I needed to be inspired and get pumped to bring new choreography into my classes. Being around people who share a common interest and passion is sometimes what you need to get recharged and inspired. I got to see and talk to so many ZES and ZIN that I admire and respect. But the best part... spending it with someone who continues to inspire me on a daily basis. Someone who I am proud to call my best friend... even if we ended many days like the photo below... ;)

 

PS- this was the day my up said I did 150+ floors...  

and a total of over 120,000 steps taken the 5 days on the cruise!

Hello 2016

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

2015 was filled with highs and lows; heartache and joy, and new friends, adventures and traditions. It was a chance to learn and grow and become a better me.

I did things that I never thought I would ever do, like going on a roller coaster that went 120 miles per hour - ok just going on "real" roller coasters in general. I went on 2 "road" trips, one to NY and the other to Ohio. I also got to go to my cousins wedding in California and see family that I haven't seen in some cases 20 years and meet cousins I have never got to meet. I decided to "take a break" from teaching and "take a chance" in a new job (which I LOVE 95% of the time). I started teaching more classes... many many more classes including Bokwa. I got to touch the dugout at Fenway Park as I cheered on my friends running the race. I gained 2 baby cousins. I got to stand up and witness a friend say "I do" and avoid catching the bouquet. I got pre-approved to buy a house and told that I had "the best credit of a 20 something year old" she had ever seen. I strengthened my friendships with some of the best friends around and made new friends along the way. 

As we move into the New Year many people will make goals. It is important keep them reasonable. 

Here are mine.

1. Say good bye to the 200's again. I could blame it on stress, not working out as hard or as much, but when it comes down to it, part of me didn't care anymore. I wasn't in the zone or in my happy place and it showed. But there aren't any excuses. It happened. It's over and I have to move on.

2. Make time for friends. I admit it. I am very type A. I enjoy working and being creative and getting stuff done. But I also enjoy just relaxing with no cares in the world, even if its just sitting in a car and having a conversations... ;) or road trips with the music going. Just having time to relax and have no cares is an amazing feeling.

3. Continue looking for a house. I have been working very hard at saving money to get my own house and I am confident that 2016 is going to bring me closer to these dreams.

4. Learn my limits. I don't want to burn my candle at both ends and thus burn out my candle. 

5. Sing. I have enjoyed being back at church and signing and I want to continue this. 

6. Read a book- or at least finish the one that my niece let me borrow to read in August...

7. Stay on top of laundry. You laugh but when teaching classes nearly everyday of the week- that means most days I go through 2 outfits and that is a lot of laundry. So not only do I want to keep on top of doing laundry, it means putting it away too.

8. Attempt to get up on skis. This is going to take great effort. I am going to have to drop some pounds and strengthen my arms. 

9. Run a 5k in under 35 mins. That would mean that means I am going to have to do a few things. I'm going to have to get my mile closer to 11 mins (the best one I've done was 12:12) and I'm going to have to keep running. Gah. Make it a habit right?

10. Try something new. I don't know what this will be but I don't want to limit myself by fears.

When you write your goals you are more likely to achieve them. I also want to be mindful not to already blow number 4... 

Happy New Year. May it be filled with joy, happiness, love, family, friends and wonderful memories. <3

#truth

Truth. There is so much truth in this image that came across my newsfeed and I've thought about it a lot in the nearly 2 months that I have had the image saved on my desktop.

1. My body isn't perfect.
In fact I would say its far from it. I have loose skin and rolls. I have childhood scars from falling off my bike or that one on my knee when I was at my Godmothers house and landed on one of those Nurf Gun toys with the spikes. And then there are my scars from surgery. They go from my elbow to my armpits. But those scars, I like those scars. The remind me of where I was and how far I have come. They keep me going and keep me from throwing in the towel.

2. I don't walk with confidence.
OMG especially in heels. I have no grace in them whatsoever. But in all seriousness, this used to be true. I would say that I would walk with my head down. I avoided eye contact. If I couldn't see you, you couldn't see me right? I am working hard at this. Being proud of who I am. It's something I continue to work on.

3. I get into fights with my parents and friends.
Oh my do I ever. I am strong willed, stubborn and opinionated. I will stand up for what I believe in. I will fight for what I want and what is right, but I have also learned that not every fight is a fights that I'm willing to "die on the battle field for" sometimes I need to just let it go, which is easier said than done.

4. Some nights I'd rather be by myself than out partying.
Isn't this the truth. I very much enjoy quiet evenings, to myself, alone in my room watching Netflix, reading a book or working on a craft. My daily life can be loud and busy and sometimes I just need to come home to a quiet space. 

5. I cry over the smallest things sometimes.
Yes. I am an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and things that shouldn't bother me do.

6. There are days that I get through with forced smiles and fake laughs.
There are days I would rather dig my eye out with a spoon instead of doing what I'm doing. Meetings that could have happened over an email, or meetings that don't have structure and conflict with my type A personality. Or now, when I know that I have put weight back on and continue to struggle to take it off again.

7. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not.
Or vice versa. Things are ok and I am convinced they are not.

8. I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Healthy knows no size. Healthy is beautiful.

9. I don't look as good in real life as I do in pictures.
I've learned (thank you A) how to pose in pictures to make myself appear thinner. And pictures I don't like... I get rid of... ;) 

10. There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep.
I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life and when I have to much time to think, I get down. I try to stay constantly busy and not have down time, but there are some nights I wish things were different and I wonder what is going to happen next. I am happy with my jobs, my family and my friends. I wouldn't change what I'm doing and where I am at. I know it's part of the plan, but sometimes I just wonder- what is next?

11. I constantly think I'm not good enough.
All the time. I am always thinking I could be better, do more. I didn't try hard enough. There is always doubt and even though I have been told that "I am a star" {Reiki}, sometimes it's hard to believe it.

12. I'm imperfect, but I'm perfectly me.
'I'm not a perfect girl , my hair doesn't always stay in place. I spill a lot of things and I am pretty clumsy! But when I think about it & take a step back, I remember how amazing my life truly is & that maybe... I like being Imperfect"

Days 19, 20 & 21

Today is day twenty one of a 21 day challenge that I am taking part of with GPF. I have decided that as part of this challenge I am going to blog about my goals and how my day turned out.

I slacked off the last few days. Not in everything I have been doing, but in writing my blog posts. I haven't been home, so I haven't been able to sit down at my laptop.

Friday was a long day of training. I sat through a suicide prevention training. It was a hard subject and sitting through it was painful, really. I can't stand sitting all day. My evening finished off with dinner and a wonderful walk by the river, before having a "sleepover" and catch up time with the niece. I can't believe everything that had happened since I saw her Sunday.... Oh high school.

Saturday was an early morning after not sleeping much. I had a FULL aqua class at 7 and then it was time to get ready for work in Augusta with our social media journalism interns. I am continuously amazed as how much knowledge they have and how well they come together and work from all over the state. I got to sneak in a quick nap before heading to the "Drag Me to Hell" show. It's always a great time when the GPF family gets together to do something outside of the gym. The best part of the evening was before the show and the conversation that happened. =D I'm so blessed.

This morning was church and getting ready for the Fall Festival at church. I came home and got ready for the Football game to fall asleep on the couch. Opps. Now I'm up, enjoying the game and getting ready to head to the gym to teach class and do my dreaded burpees.

Although this 21 day challenge didn't go {weight wise} the way I would have wanted it, I wouldn't change it. I have made daily measurable goals, stepped out of my comfort zone, and given the opportunity to reflect on the process. Life's an adventure, and I'm ready for the next one.

Day 18: Sunshine & Rain

Today is day eighteen of a 21 day challenge that I am taking part of with GPF. I have decided that as part of this challenge I am going to blog about my goals and how my day turned out.

Day 18: Find the sunshine in the rain. 

The weather today was a little dreary. Misting most of the morning. My morning started early,having a breakfast with a friend who was in town. Following that it was off the the Department of Corrections. Yes I had to report there is morning at 9am... for a meeting. We chatted about our trip to the Family Justice Center last month- This is such a great project and I am happy to be working on it. 

No rest for the weary, I no sooner finished that meeting and it was off to make it in time for my next meeting(s). For once, the technology on my end was super and I was able to see everything that was happening. I can't say the same thing for the Portland Office- they kept coming in and out. I then had a grou of kids show up to take part in a discussion with a representative of the state. They voiced what was happening that was working well, or what they felt they could be done better. I found that they did a great job and from that meeting, although it wasn't "mine" I took away things to work with them on.

After taking a few kids home,it was off to class. Bokwa was great, again and then burpees with Lou. Those, not so great. They suck. BLAH. Then Zumba 30/30 where my new people from last week returned and brought a friend- yeah!

On the way home, I wasn't able to come down my road. I don't know what happened but there were fire trucks, rescues and police everywhere. I hope it wasn't an accident and if it was, I pray for them.

I'm hoping to call it an early evening as I am exhausted and have a long day tomorrow. I'm still smiling and definitely have found the sun shine through the rain.